Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough
by atutsie
Summary: "I will create the new world for our child, L." (L/Fem!Light. Light gets pregnant during Kira investigation.)


**A/N:** Okay. I am aware that I might just talking to the void because majority of the fandom dislikes this trope. But if you are one of the few who would be willing to give this a try, **THANK YOU.** I hope you enjoy this fic and don't be shy to tell me your honest opinions. I hope you'd also grow to love Light-chan as much as I do. I plan on doing a costrial of her and list my headcanons of her there.

Special mention to my beta reader **sentinelai** for her feedbacks and for tirelessly listening to my ideas. She helped me a lot in forming this fic. And also, to **blackfeline-wastaken** who was a poor soul who dragged into this AU of mine and yet he allowed me to just drown him with my ideas. Thank you, both of you. I would've abandoned this half-way if you were not there.

P. S. Titles are my weakness. So the first thing that comes to mind is to use the the title of my jam for months now. I think of LawLight everytime I listen to this song.

* * *

 _But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,_  
 _and it's bad when you know it's your heart you can't trust._  
 _There's a reason why people don't stay where they are._  
 _Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough._

— _Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough (Patty Smith)_

* * *

She stares. Her breathing stops. _No._ Her fingers are curled on the edge of the sink, frigid and trembling. She grips too tight, nails digging too hard, not caring if she ruined her perfected manicure. She closes her eyes and wishes —it's futile, she knows— that they disappear. _Oh please, no._

 _Two lines._

And then… she breathes again. She is then freed from the tension that oppressed her in the last hour. She inhales, easing up her fingers as her mind finally wraps around the reality: _I'm pregnant._ She exhales, dragging along the other half of her dilemma: _and the father is L._ Her lips curled, and it turns into a short huff - mocking and self-deprecating.

This is not right. It's _wrong._

Strands of her hair fall slowly as she dips her head. She stares and stares and still it remains: _two red lines of Light Yagami's disgrace._

 _I failed my parents_ are her first thoughts. Because she's _just_ 18 and unmarried. Because she's a brilliant daughter with the brightest future ahead of her. Because she has the biggest plans and the biggest dreams, and it does not include _this._

' _Just trust me, father. Trust L.'_ She remembers those words, coated with conviction, fortified by trust. _'It's a purely professional relationship'_ she assures him. And she meant them that time. Because she had her priorities, she had to be freed, to be cleansed of the taint in her name, and she did not have time for pointless activities. Because the world chaotic, the world must be saved, and her trivial conflicts mean nothing against it.

But then again, her plans did not include Kira and L. It did not include being a prime suspect in a supernatural mass murder and being handcuffed to L, nurturing fragments of mutual yet unsolicited attraction to each other. It _is_ the most intimate human relationship Light has ever had. And she knows she does not regret it, that deep inside she is glad she experienced all kinds of foreign emotions with L. It was untimely and highly inappropriate - a mistake she should've stopped from the beginning. She knows, _oh god,_ she knows so well. She tried so hard, tossing her emotions aside, focusing on the case, but L's presence was constant. A consistent annoyance that reminded her of all the hideous suspicions that brought her to this dilemma. And oh, the irony. It had turned into her comfort. L was then the oasis amid the desert, the rainbow after the rain, the light at the end of the tunnel.

 _The fucking release of my sexual frustrations,_ she thinks mockingly.

She thinks of Yumiko, her classmate who dropped high school due to her pregnancy. She tells her, _'Don't worry. I know everything will be alright',_ and she thinks it's stupid of her to lose her future to a bastard who does not intend to take responsibility and abandons her then and there.

She thinks of L, her own bastard —irresponsible with questionable morality. She thinks of the same fate that awaits her, albeit worse, because she is not dumb enough to believe that L would sacrifice his work for them. She knows this, but respects him nevertheless.

' _Poor girl,'_ she imagines the people saying, judging her, reducing her to the _'mistake'_ she committed. She finds it funny that all the blame would always fall on the female _only_ , and that it was never on the male who shared the mistake. She felt awful. She loathes it the most. _Underestimated for my gender again,_ she thinks.

The subtle jangles of the chain resound in the bathroom. With the gentlest touch, her palm rubs small circles on her abdomen. _A life exists inside,_ she thinks and it feels heavier. She dips her head, leaning against the mirror. She closes her eyes once again. _A life that L and I created,_ she continues. A smile ghosts on her lips at the thought and she allows it to linger.

Then there's more prominent sound of metal against tiles, dragging them on the floor.

 _No._

She detaches herself from the mirror right away, washing away all the doubts, the self-loathing, the naivety to hope for a happy ending.

She stands with dignity; with the conviction she wears every day. Because she _is_ Light Yagami. She is different, she stands above everyone else, as she has always been.

 _This is wrong and I—_

His eyes glance on her hand before he looks straight to her. L wears the same bland expression, concealing any thought and emotion at that moment. She stares back at L, gripping the kit tighter. Light waits.

He does not ask, he just states: "Positive."

"Positive," she replies, showing the pregnancy kit to him.

He picks it, thumb and index finger loosely holding onto it and then, he stares. Those dark eyes are devoted on the same two lines that had just changed Light Yagami's life completely.

"I see," he says.

A pause.

And he throws it to the trash can. ' _Ryu—'_ Light protests but her hand was then captured by L's, he drags Light, tugging her when she remained immobile. His hand feels cold. She feels the slightest of trembles and the desperation in his grasp. _He is as anxious as I am,_ she concludes.

His fingers are silent and secretive; they crawl on her palm and he laces them together. He speaks in his monotonous voice.

"Light-chan, we must go back to our bedroom and resume working on the Kira case."

— _I will make it right._

* * *

"I am keeping it."

L freezes, fingers suspended in the air, shoulders hunched while his laptop remains balanced on his knees. He neither blinks nor breathes, and Light is convinced that L is a machine that has malfunctioned with her magic words, or rather words of curse, of the misfortune that will fall on them.

Light stands firmly. She looks down on L, sipping the last of her coffee. _Be calm. Be logical, s_ he tells herself again and again. She abandons the mug on the nightstand, her arms now crossed. The clicks of the keyboard continue. She waits before she speaks again.

"I am keeping _our_ child, L." She says, deepening her voice this time.

He blinks, finally. He moves: laptop on his side, knees hugged to his chest and his back against the headboard. And then he's staring at Light, casual and knowing.

"My hearing is fully functional, Light-chan. I believe it was unnecessary for you to repeat your statement."

She rolls her eyes. "Oh, good. Then you can be _all ears_ on me now." She shifts her weight. "I guess we can finally talk about this important topic you've been delaying for the _whole week_."

L's mood changes instantly. He frowns and Light thinks it resembles his _'Matsuda, you idiot'_ expression. Sometimes she would see it as being strangely endearing, but not when she's the recipient. It is simply unnerving.

"But I trust Light-chan to be smart enough to conclude that what she just stated is an impractical and at the same time, a very _stupid_ decision."

"And I believed that you are _human_ enough to realize that that is _murder._ I hoped that you had the moral decency to at least keep your own child, L."

"It's not murder if it's just a cluster of cells attached on your uterus. And we have a mass murderer on the loose, we don't have the luxury to care for your untimely pregnancy."

 _Be calm. Be logical._ She repeats once again.

"You are speaking as if I am the only one responsible here. This is _our_ mistake, Ryuzaki. We have to take responsibility for it. "

"We are both responsible that is why I am insisting the logical decision here. Because I am older and I know better than you and your naïve and hypocritical morality, Light Yagami."

 _Be calm. Be logical._

"So, what? Do you want me to just take this out of me? You want me to _kill_ my own child? I will _never_ do that."

L scoffs. "If you are indeed K—"

She takes his shirt and she does not care if it rips with her grip. If only she was not pregnant, she would throw L to the other side of the room right away. And she wouldn't care if they became involved in another exchange of physical violence.

She does not need to hear the rest of his sentence because Light knows the words so well.

 _'If you are indeed Kira, which I still believe you are, one murder means nothing to you.'_ arethe words playing in her mind.

She is seething with anger and L needs to know it, _feel_ it… _understand_ it. She leans closer to his face, allowing all the rage to bleed in her words, to engrave every word in his stubborn mind.

"I'm keeping it, L. I do not need your help to raise the child. You can just fly away to another country again and forget about us after this case."

Another shift and Light feels the whole room is dragged with it. L's touch is gentle —a whisper on her skin, a chaste kiss, the soothing breeze of the ocean— and yet it is alarming. Light feels the chaos beneath it, she feels his eyes and the calm anger swirling in them.

Her wrists are captured by him. L stares, and her grip loosens.

"Light, this is not a game. This is a _life_ we're talking about. It will grow old and would have its own mind. You know your position as well as I know mine. We do not have the capability to be parents for this child. Not right now. Not ever. No one will benefit from this. It will just destroy mine, yours and that child's life."

She twists her wrists and she ignores the light graze of his nails - his subtle attempt of holding on. She crosses her arms. "I know that, L. _Dammit."_

 _Don't you care about this child at all, L? Aren't you happy at least? Am I the only one who wants this?_ She thinks and keeps it there in her she must be strong, because she must not be vulnerable in front of L. Because logic comes first before her emotions. Because she knows L's answers, and she does not want to be humiliated and crushed when she hears them.

 _"_ Of course I have thought about all possible consequences for this and yet, I still stand on my decision. I will keep this child and I will make sure to raise him or her properly in my own power. I can and I _will_ do it. _"_

And silence.

Their eyes speak too loud —seized by one another. She tries so hard to understand his, but they are the darkest and the deepest pit of nothingness, foreign and unpredictable. She pushes her nails deeper to her skin until she feels the ache and she continues even when the tension thickens.

And then he blinks. The spell is broken and everything is back to normal.

He sighs too loud, because he is a bastard who wants the whole world who hear his disappointment towards Light Yagami. Because pushing her buttons is his amusement. _Insufferable bastard,_ she thinks. He frowns and does the most childish thing, he pouts.

"Light, _you idiot_ ," he says.

She throws her arms, aghast. She shouts, "I am ser—"

"Alright—"

"I will not al— "

"— _we_ will keep the child, Light. "

"—ow you _—what?_ "

She believes she's gone deaf, so she takes in the silence shortly after. She analyzes the words he just said and tries to make sure this is still the same reality she lives in.

L unwraps his lollipop, a ring pop to be precise, breaking the stillness.

"You are aware of the implications of this, right Light Yagami?"

She nods, albeit reluctantly.

"We are to be wed—" he sucks his lollipop and bites into it, a little too harsh for his teeth in Light's opinion, "— and you will live with me, of course."

Still consuming his candy, he flings the ring and Light is quick enough to capture it in her hands. And she knows. _This is L. I should've expected this._ She flops on the bed, taking the space beside L, inspecting the plastic ring as she turns it side to side.

"This is the worst proposal ever," she says.

"There's a ring." He shrugs. "That's the most necessary element in proposing."

She stretches her legs, leaning her back on the headboard. L drops on her lap, sucking on another ring pop he procured from his pocket.

He stares, and they're clouded with melancholy. They see her and yet he sees something else - something beyond her. "You will regret this. I am sure of that."

Her fingers are then lost in the black fluff of his hair. She runs her fingers, slowly, gently, relishing the softness.

She closes her eyes as she tries to imagine: L, a father, and her, a mother. It will be complicated, disastrous at times, it will be messy and clumsy and yet they'll remain a happy family.

She smiles and refuses to hide her affection.

"Never, L. I promise you that."

* * *

 _Takeitout. Takeitout. Takeitout._

 _No._

She is frantic. She is desperate.

 _This is a monster. It's evil. It's bad. It must cease to exist. L is an enemy._

 _No._

She grips the black notebook tighter and tighter. She must not let go of it. Not right now.

 _This is unforgivable. Repulsive. Kill it. He defies god. I must not be tainted by him. He must never be a part of me. None of it. Never._

 _No._

"Light?"

 _This is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong._

"Light, what's the problem?"

 _I lose. Oh god. I lose. I lose. I lose—_

A hand touches her shoulder; she wakes up and sees reality once again. She sees L and the creases in between his eyebrows. She feels his fingers, pressing, gripping tightly. She feels them burying deeper, demanding answers from her.

"Are you okay, Light? I suppose seeing that monster would surprise anyone. Would you like to rest for a while?"

But oh.

 _Oh._

It was all according to her plan. Everything has led up to this moment, hasn't it? And then, she realizes:

 _L will die soon._

She wants to smile then and there. Everything inside her is screaming of victory, demanding a release for this moment. But she stops herself. She will save her smile of triumph when that moment comes. Where L will be the only one to see it. It will be the most joyous day in her life.

"Ryuzaki," she says.

"Yes?"

"I want to check this out. I will compare the names written in the notebook to the names of the victims."

"Y-yes. Ofcourse."

And then.

 _And then my child will live in this utopia._

 _Free of L._

 _Free of evil._

 _A world where only good people will exist._

 _Yes. I will make sure of that._

* * *

Nails dig deep in her shoulders -desperately gripping for life, for a miracle, for answers. L is a person of questions. He knows yet, still, he asks. She shifts him on her lap, the tips of his hairs tickling her skin. L is heavy, she thinks, and cold. _Very very cold._ She cradles him, gathering him in her delicate arms and contemplating its perfection - because he fits. He belongs there beneath her, slowly _dying._

She stares and she sees his eyes, frantic and probably nostalgic of the fast-paced scenes playing behind them. The world has stopped and Light believes they own it, believing that nothing else matters at that moment than them, because aren't they the ones who changed and dragged the whole world in their little games? Of their clashing justice they desperately fought for?

L and Kira.

Ryuzaki and Light.

 _Isn't this romantic, L?_ They are the star-crossed lovers whose end has come. And she is the tragic heroine with her lover dying in her arms. It must be sad. She must be crying and shaking in fury as she curses the gods, then repeatedly she begs, offering her life to save him. _It will be a beautiful love story_ , she thinks.

But it's not.

So, she moves her lips, up and up, the curve is forming. The grip loosens and the nails slide down against her shirt. L's eyes are dimming, his pulse slowing - almost stopping. He is as cold as death. Up and up, now she's smiling. A sickening smile of victory.

She leans down, pressing her palm on her abdomen. She kisses his cheek, and through her lashes, she watches carefully. And then she whispers:

"I will create the new world for _our_ child, L."

His eyes closed, his breathing stopped and the world has moved once again.

She screams.

It begins.

* * *

 **A/N:** There's more. But update won't be until 2 months? Because I'll be going on hiatus this month due to career stuff


End file.
